Monday, August 23rd - Panic Sets In

For the last week or so I have been obsessed with making lists. Lists of clothes I want to purchase before heading to Russia, a list of things to do before I leave, lists of things I must not forget at home. While writing these lists must somehow help me to prepare, I think they have lulled me into a false sense of security. After I make a list I think to myself, "Wow, great job, you're a really responsible person! To reward yourself, spend an hour looking at fashion blogs so that you won't stick out like a sore, poorly dressed thumb in Moscow!" I trick myself into thinking that preparing to prepare is a very productive use of my time.

Well, today I had a rather unpleasant wake up call. Writing down exactly what I need to do is not, as it turns out, the same as actually completing said tasks. I know, big surprise.

This little reality check happened at roughly 10:30. I skipped down the stairs to my basement where my parents were watching TV, plopped down in a chair, pulled out my laptop and began making another one of my lists. I felt empowered and excited and in control. Until my parents asked me questions about the less glamorous aspects of my semester. What will you do about banking? Have you called Dell about an international warranty? How will you keep track of your spending? Etc.

My delightful little world of delusion came crashing down around me.

As naive as this realization may seem, it has only just occurred to me that I am an adult. And being an adult means that sometimes I have to put on my big girl pants and call Customer Service representatives and think about budgets and warranties and international banking.

Some may think me spoiled or ignorant for not having thought to plan for these things until two days before I leave the country, but (and this could be totally wrong - I am, after all, myself) I think it has more to do with the fact that my optimism has a tendency to leave me a little flighty. I think "Oh, well, this will all work out in the end, there's no need to stress out about it." Until, of course, I end up inevitably stressing out about it because I have, once again, left absolutely everything until the last minute.

So here I am, at 2:30 AM on Monday morning panicking and making three new lists, wishing for it to be 7:00 AM so that I can begin my day and check off as many items on my to-do list as is humanly possible. I would transcribe it all here as a testament to my lunacy, but like all good compulsives I get a little territorial about my eccentricities. A three page to-do list is a little too revealing for a first post. Perhaps another time...


Do svidaniya,

Emily